Stick with me, kid, and your next batch of chocolate ganache will be more than a dessert topping. It will be more than a couple hundred nutritionally unnecessary calories. It will be more than a recipe. It will be—for lack of any semblance of humility—a manifesto. A signature by the X on your shiny new lease on life, or at least your new lease on the gently used week. Lord knows I could use a new lease on this week. Can you hear the tick-tick sploosh of the burner igniting under a tiny pot of cream? Stick with me.
I’ve compiled a short list of scenarios in which a person might need to have a small pot of ganache in her fridge—why she might occasionally need to dip into the ganache factor to combat the ick factor of daily life. Please note that these are all hypothetical situations.
- Three sick kids, one of whom is self.
- Lost at shopping mall (Again? Will you never learn?) with friend and two toddlers. Friend can’t read mall directory map because she’s dyslexic. You can’t ask anyone for help, because you hate people.
- New Trader Joe’s sold out of frozen wild shrimp.
- Despite repeated implorations, toddler thinks maybe you do like when she runs across room and uses your ass cheeks as brake pads for her head.
- Federal government shutdown. (Ganache-worthy??)
- Vague, overarching angst.
Needless to say, your mileage may vary. But when the ick factor of a given week rises to critical levels, your weapon of choice should remain consistent. The ganache factor is a strong, silent force to be reckoned with. And should you choose to make it so, it’s available for your responsible use on an as-needed basis.
Where to Stick Your Chocolate Ganache
Wondering how to eat ganache (besides the obvious spoon-to-mouth methodology)? How about:
- Spread onto crepes
- Use as an ice cream topping
- Spoon into mini tart shells
- Use as cupcake frosting
- Fill homemade donuts
- Roll into truffles
Talk to you soon.
- 4 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate
- 1 cup heavy cream
- 1 tablespoon brewed coffee
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- Small pinch of sea salt
With a serrated knife, chop the chocolate into very small pieces. Loosely place the chopped chocolate in a medium heatproof bowl.
In a very small pot, heat the cream and the coffee just until it comes to a full boil. Immediately pour the cream over the chocolate. Gently shake the bowl so that some of the cream heads toward the bottom of the bowl. Pour the vanilla extract overtop and sprinkle with the salt. Let rest for one minute.
Gently stir the liquid and chocolate together for two full minutes, until the ganache is glossy and smooth. Serve warm or chilled.